We’ve all seen it. Maybe we remember it from our own childhoods. Maybe, in a moment of playful exhaustion, we’ve even done it.
You grab a child’s wrists, gently (or not so gently) tap them against their own forehead, and chant the playground mantra: “Why are you hitting yourself? Stop hitting yourself!”
It’s often filed under “classic dad pranks” or “toughening them up.” But let’s be honest: It’s not a game. It’s a power trip.
The FunDad Lifestyle is about physical play, wrestling, and high-energy fun. But there is a massive difference between healthy roughhousing vs bullying. One builds connection; the other erodes it.
If we want to raise kids with emotional intelligence, we need to upgrade our dad software. Here is why the old tricks don’t work, and how to replace them with games that build strength, trust, and grit.
The Problem with “Stop Hitting Yourself”
On the surface, it seems like dad humor. But to a toddler or young child, it is confusing and humiliating.
- It Breaks Trust: Building trust with kids relies on them knowing you are their protector. When you use your physical size to overpower them and mock them, you confuse that signal.
- It Teaches the Wrong Lesson: It teaches that “might makes right.” It models that if you are bigger, you can force others to do things against their will. This is the opposite of role modeling for dads.
- It Kills the Vibe: Play requires consent. If one person is laughing and the other is frustrated or crying, it is not a game. It is teasing.
The Upgrade: Healthy Roughhousing
We are not saying you shouldn’t wrestle. In fact, we want you to wrestle. Physical play is essential for social skills development and managing aggression in kids.
The goal is playful discipline and setting boundaries playfully. Here are three valid alternatives that provide the same physical outlet but teach empathy instead of humiliation.
1. The “Push-O-War” (Sumo Style)
Instead of overpowering them, let them test their strength against you.
- The Setup: Kneel so you are at their height. Put your palms against theirs.
- The Game: They have to try to push you over. You provide just enough resistance to make it hard, but eventually (after a mighty struggle), let them knock you backward.
- The Lesson: This teaches effort, balance, and the joy of overcoming a “giant” obstacle. It empowers them rather than dominating them.
2. The Sock Wrestle
This turns a wrestling match into a game of skill and strategy.
- The Setup: Both Dad and Kid wear socks, but no shoes. Clear the living room rug.
- The Game: The goal is to pull the sock off the other person’s foot while keeping yours on.
- The Lesson: This requires conflict resolution for siblings (if they play against each other) and body awareness. It shifts the focus from “attacking the person” to “getting the object.”
3. The “Statue” Challenge
This is excellent for redirecting bad behavior when they are getting too wild.
- The Setup: You are the chaotic element. You can tickle, make funny faces, or gently nudge them.
- The Game: They have to stand perfectly still like a statue.
- The Lesson: This builds impulse control and self-regulation.
The “Check-In” Rule
The most important part of positive discipline for dads during physical play is the Check-In.
If the squealing turns to screaming, or the laughter stops, you pause immediately.
- Ask: “Are we still having fun, or do we need a break?”
- Observe: Teach them to look at faces. “Look at your brother’s face. He isn’t smiling. That means we stop.”
This is teaching empathy to kids in real-time. It shows them that you respect their body and their boundaries, which creates a safe home environment.
Be the Gentle Giant
It is easy to be the big, strong dad who can pin a kid to the ground. It is much harder, and much more impressive, to be the dad who uses that strength to make his kids feel strong, too.
Swap the teasing for training. Swap the humiliation for humor. Your kids will still think you are the strongest guy in the world—but they’ll also know you’re on their team.
Download FunDad on the App Store. We have a whole section dedicated to “Roughhousing Done Right” with games that burn energy without the tears.